Films

HARRY POTTER AND THE ORDER OF THE PHOENIX
Warner Bros
Out now, Cert 12A
Starring: Daniel Radcliffe, Emma Watson, Rupert Grint, Imelda Staunton, Ralph Fiennes
What’s the story? Er, OK for the three of you who haven’t read the book – up before the court of Ministry of Magic Harry just manages to escape expulsion from Hogwarts. But his troubles are far from over. It seems that He Who Must Not Be Named (but actually is!) is on the warpath along with a motley crew of Azkaban prison escapees so Harry has to muster up an army of magically equipped pupils to engage in the forthcoming battle. His daunting task is made even more difficult by the appointment of a new head of Hogwarts – the indescribably hideous Professor Dolores Umbridge.

Good stuff: Imelda Staunton is splendid as the pink-clad, kitten-obsessed Professor Umbridge as is Ralph Fiennes as the fiendish and ugly-as-you-imagined Voldemort – and naturally Alan Rickman is deliciously creepy in his role as Master of the Dark Arts. The SFX have come along way – even in the relatively short space of time since Potter’s first film outing. Sets are stunning – expect spectacular sequences like Fred and George’s powerhouse pyrotechnics display and of course the final gut-churning showdown. Also – I haven’t seen the last film but it didn’t affect my enjoyment of this much darker offering which might have something to do with the introduction of some great new characters – witness hippie chick Luna Lovegood.

Silly stuff: in my opinion – none!

Verdict: Honestly – the best Harry Potter film yet!
****
CG

DIE HARD 4.0
20th Century Fox
Out now, 15
Starring: Bruce Willis, Tim Olyphant, Maggie Q, Justin Long

What’s the story? Disgruntled computer genius Gabriel has been ripped off by the federal government and now he’s out for revenge. How? By hacking into every computer-run system in the USA starting with the transportation grid and ending with the financial system. The aim – to squeeze out every last cent from the conglomerates that treated him so shabbily. Enter renegade cop John McClane, who having been dispatched to round up a bunch of errant hackers, finds himself enlisting the help of one of them in order to foil the bad guys. And girls – namely the slender form of Mai who proves she can kick ass just as hard as McClane.

Good stuff: Wrinkly but extremely buff Willis is back on top form as the gruff and rough rogue cop McClane who’s job it is to become embroiled in as many seriously stonking stunts as possible. Witness scores of insanely improbable but totally excellent (and often unintentionally funny) sequences in particular McClane and Mai smacking the crap out of each other while hanging onto a teetering SUV that has somehow become jammed into an elevator shaft. Or the classic moment where McClane high speeds his squad car out of an underpass and jumps out just in time to see the motor steaming into a hovering helicopter knocking its bad guy occupants out of the air. Realism – who needs it!

Silly stuff: None – unless you’ve got the sense of humour of a toenail!

Verdict: an awesome adrenaline pumping action capsule of a movie.
*****
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TRANSFORMERS
Paramount
Out 27 July, 12A

Starring: Shia LaBeoff, Megan Fox, Josh Duhamel, Tyrese Gibson

What’s the story? Far off in another Galaxy, a destructive civil war between Autobot and Deceptocon annoys the Transformers’ deity – a giant cube – so much that it flies off (presumably in a parental huff) crash landing in our very own North Pole. The Deceptocons pursue it hoping to use its creative powers to build an evil army of robots to wipe out Optimus Prime and his gang once and for all. To find their cube, the Deceptocons need both US military intelligence and special information held only by one high school geek cum entrepreneur…. Fortunately, the Autobots are in hot pursuit to foil their evil plan, leading to much destruction - often at the expense of the US military – and some awesome Autobot vs Deceptoncon slug-outs.

Good stuff: SFX!!! Undoubtedly some of the most state-of-the-art graphics ever seen on screen - the Transformers have a real weight about them and they’re not often out of shot. There’s also some great shots of US military firepower in action, including fighter jets and serious aerial bombardment. Some nice respectful nods towards Terminator II and LaBeoff who plays a very likeable nerd.

Silly stuff: Behold the God of the mighty Transformers: A Rubik's Cube! The Transformers all kind of look the same in the frenzy of battle making it hard to keep track. Errr, the plot. But then if you came to a Transformers movie hoping for one of those then you’ve only yourself to blame really!

Verdict: If you’re after an action packed, giant robot punch-up, it couldn’t get much better than this: Just don’t come expecting anything too coherent!
****
LB

SHREK THE THIRD
Paramount

Out now, U

Starring: (the voices of) Mike Myers, Cameron Diaz, Eddie Murphy, Antonio Banderas, Justin Timberlake

What’s the story? When his new father-in-law, King Harold falls ill, it looks like Shrek is up for the kingship of the land of Far, Far Away. However, Shrek isn’t overly keen on the idea preferring instead to stay in the swamp so he comes up with a cunning plan. Recruiting his mates Donkey and Puss in Boots he sets out to locate the inept young Prince Arthur aka Artie and install him on the throne instead. Meanwhile obnoxious and jilted Prince Charming has gotten wind of the plan so it’s up to Princess Fiona to rally her band of royal girlfriends to fend off his forthcoming coup d'etat.

Good stuff: clever references to recent real-life movies such as when Princess Fiona’s bevy of maidens turn into Charlie’s Angels to get out of the Tower. There’s also a great moment when one of the maids-in-waiting sings a sickly sweet song from Snow White that suddenly turns into a Black Sabbath riff. Eddie Murphy and Antonio Banderas also have a ball as the bickering donkey and cat.

Silly stuff: save for Murphy and Banderas the jokes are really a bit lame – with too many desperate references to all things American. Like medieval maiden cheerleaders, the land of Far Far Away featuring a sign that bears an uncanny resemblance to the one in the Hollywood hills and this quote from Artie “ I’m building my city, people...on rock and roll” – baaarf!!!!!

Verdict: while this will definitely tease a titter or two - ultimately the jolly green giant has reached the end of the road.
**

NEW ON DVD...

GHOST RIDER
Sony Home Entertainment, 15
DVD £19.99 / Blu-ray £24.99

Starring: Nicolas Cage, Eva Mendes, Peter Fonda

What’s the story? Teenage motorcycle stunt rider Johnny Blaze sells his soul to the Devil in order to save his father’s life.  Naturally the Devil, being a nasty piece of work, reneges on the deal and tricks Johnny into becoming his personal bounty hunter. Super stunt rider by day - by night Johnny morphs into a flaming skull straddling a demonic chopper dragging evil souls on earth back down to hell. But when Johnny bumps into his school sweetheart he finds the strength to face up to Beelezebub and win back his soul.

Good stuff: Purists have had a great time slagging off this adaptation. But let’s face it, when your palette comprises motorcycles, the Devil, evil spirits, and cowboys there are only two routes you can take – dark and deeply serious or good, old-fashioned fun. And we’re glad it’s the latter. Cage clearly enjoys playing Johnny and his stunt stuff is wicked. The wine glass of jelly beans is a cool touch too. And, of course there’s the SFX!

Silly stuff: er, to be honest they could have swerved the lurve stuff – but then it is Eva Mendes!

Extras: an hour-long Making of… documentary and an excellent hour and a half doco on the history of the Ghost Rider, a post-production bit and the usual commentaries.

Verdict:  A marvelous Marvel Comics-lite.
****